There’s a lot that’s been going on. I’m on the brink of entering my twenties. As a kid I thought of my twenties as some distant concept/parallel life where I’m dressed in cool clothes with a tea in my hand and I’m strutting down the sidewalk of some busy city with my head held high on the way to my swanky/cool apartment and simultaneously texting 10 people trying to make plans for the coming weekend. I have my life together. I’m travelling the world. I have my dream job. I am dating some awesome guy who is perfect for me and even with my constant travelling he is around and we’re gonna settle down in the next 5 years.
You wist away that daydream and here I am. A month from twenty. Definitely DO NOT have my life figured out and yes I am happy, but I am so much less sure of what I think the next 10 years is going to look like. Suddenly I have to pay rent, get a job, figure out what I’m doing next summer and pretty much the rest of my life even though I can’t make myself more than 3 different dinners or wear anything other than flannel and leggings. I THINK I like what I’m studying. (I second guess like every other week). I still want to travel and go abroad but suddenly I have to actually think of LOGISTICS like FRIENDS WHO LIVE ELSEWHERE and FAMILY and TIMING and BOYFRIEND and MONEY. Everyone around me is getting 5% higher on exams or has been working in a lab for like 2 years already and has a published book and probably has already cured cancer in their spare time. And here I am.
I spend so much time trying to be logical and plan, plan, plan but what happened to guitar? and the canvas I bought to start painting on? What happened to writing and photography and reading and doodling and going on walks just because and what happened to my plan to read books in sunny parks and go on adventures? What happened to my gap year?
So here I am. 19, 37 days from my 20. I guess at least I can no longer be a pregnant teen and I know there’s a lot to look forward to. I’m starting this thing hoping that I’ll write more and reflect and hopefully just document my life to try and help me figure everything out. Here’s hoping I learn to just take things as they come and appreciate every obstacle that comes my way. Here’s hoping I make mistakes but use them to my advantage and that I will be happy in 5 years and that the little things that stress me out and the things that go wrong, help me get where I’m meant to go. Here’s hoping.
COURTSNEXTSTOP 
